Fifteen Additional Things I Think are Pretty True

1-I’m in my 50s now, plus I’m a grandpapa, so I guess it’s time to admit that I’ve been making crap up my whole life.

2-Theology is stuff that we’ve all made up. Some of the made-up stuff is healthier than other made-up stuff.

3-Health is to theology what consent is to sex.

4-It’s easier for love to frustrate sex than for sex to frustrate love.

5-Whether you’re a Christian or not, everyone can agree that Christians love hurting people.

6-I’m making my own dictionary, but I’ve only got one entry:

Bullshit: intransitive verb

• informal + usually vulgar : to talk without thinking.

• to engage in a discursive discussion.

Use in a sentence: It’s bullshit when the guys cashing checks funded by banks of “orthodoxy” are the ones calling you “unorthodox.”

7-Everybody knows that one can do the right thing in the wrong kind of way. In such an instance, you might have morality, but you wouldn’t have beauty.

8-The cross isn’t where stuff gets fixed; it’s where stuf is held together.

9-Outsourcing your validation is a sure-fire way to never feel validated.

10-Self esteem (self-grace, self-care, or self-belief) is not something one has; it’s something one does.

11-Life’s not a competition; it’s a gift.

12-Sooner or later, you’ll be invited to abandon all the formulas.

13-I had meatloaf for lunch at a Whole Foods the other day and idk, it just feels like when you’re sitting there, eating meatloaf in a Whole Foods, that people should know the kind of life you’re living.

14-I spoke to some people about grief recently. Afterward, I shook hands, gave hugs, and listened to stories. One story came from a diminutive, elderly widow grieving the reality that she would never have grandchildren. It broke (re-broke) my heart a little bit.

Personally, I had never thought much about being a grandfather before our daughter died. Maybe it was because she hadn't been seriously dating? Perhaps because both she and I were relatively young when it all happened? I don't know; I was 46, old enough to consider such things, but I just hadn't. Strange. And then one day, a few months after our girl was gone, it hit me: I hadn't just lost all the stuff I knew in the past; I had lost all the stuff that could have happened in the future, like … being a grandfather to my daughter's children.

I'm not really sure what happened after that. I guess the pain propelled me outside and into the forest somewhere because about three hours later, I kind of "came to.” All of a sudden, I realized my head was pressed into the side of a Lodgepole Pine or Douglas-Fir or something. (I feel bad I didn't get his name … trees can be really good friends ...) Anyhow, I leaned against that tree so grievously that an hour later, you could still see bark-shaped indentations on my forehead.

God, what a heartache. 

When I signed the book for my grandchild-less friend, I wrote something I had never considered before, that is, that Jesus had no grandchildren either. Weird. The largest family in the world comes from someone who was single, without children or grandchildren.

15-It’s probably really hard to be single, but don’t let people tell you that you have no life, no influence, no legacy, or no future. If you’re feeling down about this, here’s a virtual hug, but also, please feel free to reread #14. Maybe that’ll help you reconsider concepts like legacy. If that doesn’t work, revisit my one-word dictionary … then go live your life with gratitude. The voices trying to shame you? They suck.

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Well, I’ve been suspended from Facebook and it appears to be permanent. Sounds like its the same problem as these people have experienced. If Instagram is your game, find me there. Or TikTok.

If you’re a paid subscriber, don’t forget that you get access to a section here on Substack called “Sexuality,” and also one called “Fictional Short Stories,” though, headsup, I think you have to access them from your desktop rather than your phone.

If you find any of this meaningful, share with a friend. Peace.

J